I will start by saying: these posts about my childhood trauma I’m telling you guys; are a heavy topic. Sensitive people and minors are advice to not read this. The content contains rape, violence, mental abuse, physical abuse, and death. Sociopaths, psychopaths and a lot of narcissism.
I write it here to sort out my flashbacks and memories.
But also, to leave something for investigation, in case something bad happens to me. I have survived a lot and it would be a shame to get this far and not be able to tell my story, just in time.
This is in Sweden.
Sex grooming Fatima
I will tell you this story from two aspects. First from the facts and feelings from my childhood and second through the eyes, of me now, as a grown-up.
I can’t speak for Fatima as you understand. But I will take the freedom to explain what I heard and saw back then. And interpret it through what I consider to be healthy or not.
(Narcissists however never change, they just put on different masks and fool everyone around their victim, sometimes fooling even their own victim/s. Making them believe everything is their own fault. That they deserve whatever bullshit treatment they are getting. That everything is normal, they are just too sensitive or overreacting. Too this, too that. The victim better shuts up cuz’ they are just causing unnecessary chaos.)
Well, Fatima was taught that she was over-reacting to this bullshit. She was the crazy one. By the way, why would she cry so much when I didn’t. She had to become like me if she wanted to survive. Crying doesn’t make you survive in the big world. He is bigger than us and there are plenty of him out there.
Social experiment with twins
Basically, I and Fatima was his social experiment. How much could he push a baby, how much are babies willing to take, how do you create a clingy loyal baby. When someone is around he treated her good, as soon as they were “alone” he was a constant menace. He used to role play, acting as if he is different people… why wouldn’t she believe it. She has a twin herself.
Our father dressed in military clothes one minute and abused her, then he would change fast into his daddy clothes, t-shirt and shorts, hurry in and rescue her from the other evil dudes. He fought them behind the wall. At least at those times, he would let her cry for 5 minutes. Yeah, he had rules.
I saw his role playing, changing from one outfit to another. I was shocked to see my mother helping him. She told him not to do it in front of me but he told her, babies forget.. so what? Babies are too stupid, no harm.
I and Ali knew about the abuse. My dad didn’t know or didn’t care about it much. We were hiding, we could hear things from outside the door. Sometimes we saw things. Sometimes we were in the same room and he abused us, too or instead. To prove to Fatima that she is his queen and that he treated everyone badly. He was ALWAYS fair.
Nevertheless, Fatima thought she was alone with him – which she for the most time practically was. And so she always looked around the corner when he left the room. She was scared to be with him and scared to not be with him. By now she was trapped in codependency and our dad thrived on that.
There was always evidence of some new shittery he had done to her. Once he urinated on us both as a punishment. From that day on Fatima got urinated on a lot. He hit her on her face, bit her, pulled her hair and messed it up. He threw us against walls. Her hair was full of shit and urine for days. That was her punishment and my mom backed him up by invalidating her. Telling her it was her fault.
Sucking my dad’s dick
Here is how he taught us to suck his dick. First, he gave us our milk bottles and then told us to do the exact same thing to his dick. Sometimes all we would eat was his cum. At times he would prefer to pull our hair. Other times we were under the sheets. Fatima was always hesitant. Actually, she was scared but didn’t want to do that anyway. He had to break down her high walls.
And that’s why she always got punished even when she did what she was told at the last minute. I was scared as hell too, but I just wanted to get it over with. Maybe Fatima felt betrayed by me, but I just wanted her to suck it up because crying only got us into more trouble by him.
Thank you for reading through!